i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
