Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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