The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
