Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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