I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
