You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
