allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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