i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
