Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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