I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My life is pants optional.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
