As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
