you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
worst night to have a conscience
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
