I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
