my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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