no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize