we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
