Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
