Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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