Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
