Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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