We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
