Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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