Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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