So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
