I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
