if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
