They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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