i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
time to smoke my breakfast
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
