When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
