i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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