No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
