Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
