absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
