there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
