Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This is the high leading the old right now
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
