i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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