and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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