the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
