first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize