guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
