Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
