I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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