Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
