i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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