he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
