You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
