Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
