were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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