Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
