I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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