i permit you to call me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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