I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just want to make out with him forever
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
