I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
