he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
