Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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