I wish I could teleport
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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