your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize