why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
