The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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