the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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