I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
