You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
