um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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