I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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