I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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