the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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