Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
