At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize