Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you had me at cake vodka
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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