I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
