i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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