Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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