shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
